old me: Bossed people around for a living.
new me: Gets bossed around for a living
***
old me: Made lots of money for the bossing.
new me: Gets no money for the bossing. I will know I’ve done a great job when she’s able to leave me without a backward glance.
***
old me: Life of the party.
new me: Parties now start a 1 o’clock. In the afternoon.
***
old me: Foul-mouthed, single, lover of all things inappropriate.
new me: Foul-mouthed, married, lover of all things inappropriate and! I’m somebody’s mom
