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Archive for October, 2008

Do you ever have one of those moments where your insanity presents itself so clearly? In a package? With a pretty little bow? I had a friend respond to an email I sent her two weeks ago. When I reread my words it occurred to me that I’ve lost my fucking mind. Y’think?

Hello darling darlingest woman

My grandmother is here visiting and I’m trying to talk her into plastic surgery cuz she’s always wanted it. Wanna bet my aunt won’t let her visit again any time soon?

My 16 year old giant nephew was here for 2 days. I got a look in his dopp kit and they have him on 40 mg of amphetamines + celexa + something very 1984 sounding called Abilify … and I think his major problem is no one holds him to any standards. I yelled at him for 45 minutes straight. Neither of us felt any better, but now he knows I think he’s too smart to labor under the labels other put on him. And I expect him to be respectful in my house. So, we can probably take him off the guest list, too 😉

Things are okay here. I’m peri-menopausal which is cause for single malt with breakfast. I can only remember who I’m calling 50% of the time. That should concern me but every day I get pleasant surprise when people answer their phones and I think, “Wow, I didn’t even know I had his/her number!” so, yeah, that’s what I’m doing for excitement.

I’m working. For 2 places even though my brain is still kind of hot-cereal-like. I’m doing recruiting and sourcing which all falls under the auspices of ‘headhunting’ which would be more exciting with spears and giant pots but really I just use my computer and a telephone.

The other day I asked Sugardad if he’d ever heard my grandfather sing and directly upon finishing that question I burst into tears with such force and so out of the blue that I think I’ve finally managed to straddle two of my infinite possible timelines and it turns out in another lifetime I am/was/will be a terrific crybaby.

I miss you so much I have a hot spot in my heart when I think of you. I have a picture of you on my fridge. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to adequately TELL you how much you mean in my life so I should CALL EVERY DAY but I get on these loops of inaction and really, all I want to do is load up two sippy cups with some Johnny Black and roll down to the zoo and set some animals free. Wanna come?

I love you like crazy. Please give me your new phone number and mailing address and I’ll send you pictures of Snarkarella aka Sunshine aka the best thing I’ve ever done with this silly life. If I tell you I adore you with the heat and dense permanence of new lava will you believe me?

xoxoxox
Stupormom

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*MY* bailout plan

According to this wiki, which we all know to be 100% accurate at least a handful of the time, there are about 305 million people in the US. As my stunned brain understands the broad overview of Wall Street greed run amok, the bailout is necessary because Bushs et al set up the perfect storm for old white guys to literally make money in as many stupid and irresponsible ways that they could think up. Derivatives? Basically the same thing as cockroach races as near as I can tell. Give money to people who most likely cannot pay it back, and then bet on the payback? Wow. Speechless I am.

So, how about instead of giving Wall Street 700 billion dollars that runs the overwhelming risk of being mismanaged (I’d take derivative action on that piece), I have a different idea. How about if ever person in this country, the actual financiers of this lunacy, how about if each of the 305 million people get a tax free million dollars? Or even half million?

Basic math: a million times a million = a trillion. But that’s more than 700 billion, right? Right, but it’s a suckers bet to think that this disaster is going to be 700 billion on the nose. And that 700 billion doesn’t take into account interest. And, once the public has swallowed that ridiculous sum, what’s another 300 billion? And then we’re right smack at a trillion. See?

So, 305 million US citizens with a cool million in the bank. The vast majority of mortgages could be paid off. Credit card debt would all but disappear. Voila, banking crisis solved.

What about Wall Street dudes? The newly broke-ass hedge fund losers? The derivative dive bombs? I say fuck ’em. Let them figure it out. Sell some art. Don’t go to Crete for the month of August. Sell a couple houses. I know a bunch of new millionaires.

But Wall Street has the 401Ks tanked, right? Well, now Mr and Mrs Smith have a million bucks! See? It’s brilliant!

I know it’s early, and I know I haven’t had enough coffee, but I say fuck Wall Street, let’s give the money to ourselves. The best economic package evaaaaaa.

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